Here you said it

still waters

clear

piercing my heart

with a dagger.

.Scared.

Last night,

I woke up,

To the opening of the door,

It was my sis,

who crawled in,

discreetly,

to the room,

Last night,

what you said,

my eyes,

unable to wet my cheek,

still burnt,

red,

woke me up,

strained,

scared,

alone,

in the wee hours of this morning.

Bitter Sweetness

What do i write, that even after the sabbatical was over long time back, it looks like we are on a day to day 'leave me alone' spree... The War of Words so rightly put by the Tech freak of mine.

Where are we going, when will we reach, i dont know, but we are spoiling it all, minute by minute...

We were the ones who could completely understand each other at one point of time and in the least made an attempt to, but thats past for me now, at least. The gates of communication are closing down...

Day after day we seem to be in an attempt to cook it as bitter as we can, to chop and put the ingredients so dashed with a whole lot of pain that it tastes better by each passing day.

And yes, we cannt get the past, just like the dish that has already been eaten cannot be eaten again.

But are we aloof of the recipe? We were the ones who once cooked it, and though we savored and relished it, it seems to be so poisoning, that its after effects are very much active even today.

What a beautiful mess we have created!

Even the little droplets of pristine water that are but a side effect of this dish in making, spoiling, trying...

The Blue Fish

As I was driving to work early this morning, something in me became all the more strong, after I passed over a rat on the road, helpless on my seat, so was the rat, and here i was, unable to save the rhodent, equally holding an inviolable right to live, just like me, but then i think so does every one around me, my blue fish too... So, is the choice always mine, whom to save? Selfish at times, indecisive at other moments...

Let me paint my picture to make this clear, imagine a pretty looking, energetic blue lil fish, making its way, all happily and cheerfully one winter morning, exploring this colourful world, my promise to her to show all that i can in this world of wonders, not as others see it, but from the eyes of those who see beauty in almost everything around... But pretty isn't what you always see on the surface... just to find its right fin in a couple of minutes all gone, smashed... Injured, till now that this white thing on it looks like an ointment healing her ...

Remember the kilometers it swam, in turbulent times it was my companion, an evidence to my happy times, me feeling safe with her every now and then...

But here's my question, In my greed of accomplishements, what i have really done for her? What have i done to her?

Of course, my blue fish was being stared at, this very morning, of how ugly it was looking, and then me, (yes i do take care of her,) but i m not always at fault, either!

I m not careless or negligent, and i think she is capable enough to brave any storm, but yes, if all in the world are making 'us' feel guilty, from these unknown half joking and half commenting eyes, they have done a job well enough to make us feel this way, but they arent the only ones, as my own conscience was very actively playing a part, this wasnt the first time, I have lived this before,

for i m the one who's with her, my companion for miles... Her every bruise here and a scratch there pains me to the core, how could I? How could they??

But to who all do i openly show my guilt, or do i really need to even?

The Doctor's mood, all irritated to serve my blue fish, words untold, but feeling spoken so loud , that they know very well where to hurt...

There was a dream seen in this foetus of mine, of nurturing this harmless lil thing to a shark, and i objected and took it to a more humbler level(at least in my thoughts) a whale, ... but right now, i want her to get all better, just like before, ... i like her the way she was, is, and i want her all glistening n shining, racing in the winter sun...

Hope she gets well soon... '

My blue fish will be swimming soon...

The Winning Frog.

Once upon a time, there were a few frogs, fighting over who was the strongest. But no one was able to prove themselves fully, when one of them came up with the idea of searching for the tallest bamboo shoot and climb it hence forth.

All tried, one by one, gathering up all the strength they could ever bring collectively. But, somehow, there was this one single frog, who made it to the top. To everyone's amazament, this was a feat impossible, And now you also would be wondering how?

This frog was deaf, deaf to the people around, their encouragements or demotivators, was deaf to whether someone believed in him or not. It just didnt seem to matter to him an iota.

And hence, he won.

This is also a new beginning for the leggo minded of mine and myself. Finally, (Read Smiling) the sabbatical ended yesterday, and i m all charged up to make this work, no matter what.

A lot of inputs i have recieved, or why even go on to others, when i know there are a lot of the defeated frogs in my own head, so the first step, to show these frogs the exit, and turn a deaf ear to the existing entities around...

Because im motivated, to make this work, no matter what. Its a challenge for me, and im going to turn anything negative in between us into positive, even if it means making all directions meet at a single point. (We can meet at the Terrestrial North Pole, we mutually like this place)

So, as of now where the Winter's setting in every passing day, we will make memories amidst the cold, just like spring...

Winter's over,

Spring's Here,

Rock the Cradle,

The air smells,

I'm glad,

The Sabbatical is over,

We will make

Our ship sail...

Emotionally Stunted...

Long time ago, there was this maiden, who always used to keep the feeling she felt, the emotions she lived, hidden, in her heart, this world of hers was never seen with an 'Entry' signboard...

Then, came a lad, all too impressive, or so to say that she was swayed, (still wondering), by the enchantment too tempting to let go off...

Just like a flower blossoms, so did they,

The gates were naturally left open,

and everything was shared, almost everything,

that she earlier feared,

she poured out her heart, every hidden territory was explored,

and so was the lad ever eager,

into the secrets untold...

The smell of her tresses drew this one wild,

The more she let herself loose,

the more they spent the time.

Lost completely,

or in her senses for the first time,

The touch is the first kind of sense,

the newborn from this mother of dine'

She didnt leave,

or forget,

to share a single moment

the various experiences in the day

she felt...

But the times never last,

a touch is long lost craved past.

Fixated is the maiden,

wonders what wrong she do,

Why did she open up this Pandora's box,

Just to see hell break loose?

Long time ago they used to question her,

when she read'em page by page, line by line,

Today at the threshold,

Tears' droplets trickle down,

they wet the same old,

As she rises to question again,

Was all this destined?

Was while she let it all,

there were things she hid under...

Or was she right in being called

not too open with

the emotions that even today

thunder.

The Real Bond?

Just in case any one by chance likes to reads in between the lines, (like I do!!!) don't the words sabbatical, Vesper Lynd & the article's name seems after all too bloody connected???

Yes, who isn't bitten by this Bug?!!!!
And apparently, happenings at my end happen rather all too connected... Or when the time is ripe, in complete accordance, in oneness, so to say.

Yes, that's why the name sabbatical suddenly came upon me as an awakening, there were plans to see the latest flick together, to enjoy some moments and see them blossom together, but since then there hasn't been a Quantum of Solace for us either !

The Sabbatical.

Mine came pretty early than the usual, by the very definition of the word and the way i define it, is the reason behind this wall that i every time leave behind, ( minus the constant deliberations by the near & dear ones, for various 'last-a-minute' reasons).

So, me and my illegal, hidden better half are on a sabbatical or time off ( you see the leggo - minded of mine has really made it sound like this) from today onwards( 'like its just the word we can use to describe this phase'), and since its been on a full swing since the stars came out and glittered on this fateful winter setting in, its as cold as you can think...

sabbatical (sə-băt'ĭ-kəl)

adj.
while i still don't get it, in an attempt to solve it, why are we running away from it (even if unconsciously) from the dilemma we are facing, just like cowards do... So while you try to gather yourself asking a break from me(read a psychoanalyst's reading'), by absolutely minussing yourself from everything and anything that's got to do with us, by going in to a shell, i wonder if it helps... Darling, what hypocrisy are we playing??

n.
A sabbatical week or ten days starting from today.