Here you said it

still waters

clear

piercing my heart

with a dagger.

.Scared.

Last night,

I woke up,

To the opening of the door,

It was my sis,

who crawled in,

discreetly,

to the room,

Last night,

what you said,

my eyes,

unable to wet my cheek,

still burnt,

red,

woke me up,

strained,

scared,

alone,

in the wee hours of this morning.

Bitter Sweetness

What do i write, that even after the sabbatical was over long time back, it looks like we are on a day to day 'leave me alone' spree... The War of Words so rightly put by the Tech freak of mine.

Where are we going, when will we reach, i dont know, but we are spoiling it all, minute by minute...

We were the ones who could completely understand each other at one point of time and in the least made an attempt to, but thats past for me now, at least. The gates of communication are closing down...

Day after day we seem to be in an attempt to cook it as bitter as we can, to chop and put the ingredients so dashed with a whole lot of pain that it tastes better by each passing day.

And yes, we cannt get the past, just like the dish that has already been eaten cannot be eaten again.

But are we aloof of the recipe? We were the ones who once cooked it, and though we savored and relished it, it seems to be so poisoning, that its after effects are very much active even today.

What a beautiful mess we have created!

Even the little droplets of pristine water that are but a side effect of this dish in making, spoiling, trying...

The Blue Fish

As I was driving to work early this morning, something in me became all the more strong, after I passed over a rat on the road, helpless on my seat, so was the rat, and here i was, unable to save the rhodent, equally holding an inviolable right to live, just like me, but then i think so does every one around me, my blue fish too... So, is the choice always mine, whom to save? Selfish at times, indecisive at other moments...

Let me paint my picture to make this clear, imagine a pretty looking, energetic blue lil fish, making its way, all happily and cheerfully one winter morning, exploring this colourful world, my promise to her to show all that i can in this world of wonders, not as others see it, but from the eyes of those who see beauty in almost everything around... But pretty isn't what you always see on the surface... just to find its right fin in a couple of minutes all gone, smashed... Injured, till now that this white thing on it looks like an ointment healing her ...

Remember the kilometers it swam, in turbulent times it was my companion, an evidence to my happy times, me feeling safe with her every now and then...

But here's my question, In my greed of accomplishements, what i have really done for her? What have i done to her?

Of course, my blue fish was being stared at, this very morning, of how ugly it was looking, and then me, (yes i do take care of her,) but i m not always at fault, either!

I m not careless or negligent, and i think she is capable enough to brave any storm, but yes, if all in the world are making 'us' feel guilty, from these unknown half joking and half commenting eyes, they have done a job well enough to make us feel this way, but they arent the only ones, as my own conscience was very actively playing a part, this wasnt the first time, I have lived this before,

for i m the one who's with her, my companion for miles... Her every bruise here and a scratch there pains me to the core, how could I? How could they??

But to who all do i openly show my guilt, or do i really need to even?

The Doctor's mood, all irritated to serve my blue fish, words untold, but feeling spoken so loud , that they know very well where to hurt...

There was a dream seen in this foetus of mine, of nurturing this harmless lil thing to a shark, and i objected and took it to a more humbler level(at least in my thoughts) a whale, ... but right now, i want her to get all better, just like before, ... i like her the way she was, is, and i want her all glistening n shining, racing in the winter sun...

Hope she gets well soon... '

My blue fish will be swimming soon...